What is middle age really?
I would have thought I could find a decent explanation of “middle age” by the time I reached it but now that I think I’m there, I’m not really sure I am because I can’t find any definitive information showing that I’ve reached that pinnacle.
There is no solid information available on this phenomenon especially when it comes to men. You often hear about women having a “mid-life crisis” and everyone relates that to menopause…which includes hot flashes and bitchiness. When it comes to men, a “mid-life crisis” usually involves leaving one’s wife/partner, buying a sports car, and having an affair with some Paris Hilton/George Michael type ‘ho’ only to regret it later…or some variation on that theme.
I’ve thought a lot about this lately because I’m not feeling like my usual self. I’ve been feeling tired, bitchy, and uninspired…like a woman in menopause. Sometimes, I’m flat out bored and don’t know how to overcome that boredom or I want to change things like the yard, the house, my car. I want to travel, to get into better shape, to run naked through the neighborhood screaming “The fundamentalists are coming, the fundamentalists are coming!”, but they’re already here… and I just don’t have the energy to run anymore…although my sentences obviously do!
Truly though, I don’t have much energy these days. That’s why I’m questioning this middle age thing. That, and the fact that today is my 45th birthday. I wouldn’t normally think of 45 as middle age but the way I’ve been feeling has brought it to mind. Maybe it’s not an age thing, maybe it’s all hormonal and like menopause, it affects people at different times in their lives and now is my time. I don’t know…maybe I don’t really seek an answer to the question or maybe I’ve already answered it…for me anyway.
What I do know is that today I celebrate my 45th birthday. I get to celebrate my birthday with the man I love and have shared my life with for the past 17 years. I will not buy a sports car. I will not be cruising the park for ho’s and I will overcome this lull.
As for the “mid-life crisis”…nobody in my family has lived past 89 so I guess I’m past middle age and well into my “past-mid-life crisis” and all this was for naught. We’ll see…